


Chokehold

by we_dreamerz



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 09:30:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2423759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_dreamerz/pseuds/we_dreamerz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is it all an act? A game? Does it matter? Adam can't let Tommy go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chokehold

**Adam’s POV**

"I should go," Tommy says, his voice low and raspy. "We have an early morning."

I nod, looking away as he slides from beneath the sheets. He dresses in silence as I stare at the moonlit hotel ceiling. I can still taste his skin and hear the little noises he makes when I push deep inside him. And just like that I'm hard again.

He sits beside me and looks into my eyes, searching for something. I want him to kiss me but he doesn't. His face is unreadable.

"We have to stop," I say while my traitorous fingers touch the skin peeking between the rips in his black jeans.

Tommy just nods. "I know," he whispers like he hears all the things I'm not saying.

"Get some rest,” he says and stands up. I turn away, sighing as the door clicks shut. I never could watch him leave. But I can still smell him on the sheets and on my skin. I close my eyes, imagining what it would be like if just once he stayed.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Tommy’s POV**

I lean against Adam's door for a moment, gathering my courage. I hate him sometimes in moments like this when I'm standing here... hoping, leaving. But really I only have myself to blame. My tread is heavy on the worn and fraying carpet that’s like a cheerful paisley walk of shame from his door to mine. I let myself in with the key card, cursing when it takes me more than too many tries to make the annoying, little fucking light turn green.

My room is stuffy and it smells funny but I'm too fucking exhausted to care. I toe off my shoes and strip down, ignoring the shower. I want to take the smell of him to bed. Alone in the dark I remember the way his lips felt against mine, the sweet sting of his teeth. I can still feel the pressure of his hand around my throat.

Frowning, I touch the tender skin and sigh, praying he's still lying to himself.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Adam’s POV**

Five rings and Sauli's phone flips to voice mail. I hang up, not bothering to leave a message. It's late, I think, he's probably sleeping. Sometimes I think it's guilt that makes me call him after I've been with Tommy. But If I was truthful with myself I'd admit that I really don't feel guilty at all. I think I’m just looking for a fight, for a reason to leave. But the only person able to give that to me can't... or won't. I haven't worked that out yet and in the end I'm not sure it matters. Either way I'm still lying here alone.

Things with Tommy had started so innocently. Stage kisses, my hand around his neck while stadiums filled with sweating, gyrating bodies screamed for more - it had all come so naturally. But it hadn't been long before I realized his pretty kitty wasn't an act. Tommy loved to be touched, stroked and manhandled a little. He'd purr for me, his cock hard and pressed against my thigh. And never once did he try to hide it.

His flirty eyes would do me in, begging for my attention from across the stage. No matter what my intentions, it had been impossible not to answer that call. Before I knew it and against all the warning bells going off in my head, I’d be there, strutting across the stage, stalking him, putting my hands in his hair.

But neither of us said a word about it. Offstage he was just Tommy, my friend and band member - my buddy. Tommy had been driving me to distraction and right into Sauli’s arms. But Tommy never batted an eyelash on his pretty kitty eyes. He and Sauli got along famously and I assumed that I'd imagined the whole thing. Sauli was amazing - pretty, sweet. We had clicked right away. But all of that never kept me from imagining it was Tommy beneath me and between my thighs. Just the thought of his plump lips around my cock would have me coming like a teenager under the bleachers.

And then one night, everything changed. The band was at my house, jamming and drinking. Most of them had already left but Tommy had stayed to help me clean up. After the work was done I stepped out onto the back patio to get some air and Tommy followed. He slumped into one of the folding chairs by the pool and lit a joint. I watched him, noting the way his lips puckered and the pleasant flush that colored his cheeks when he inhaled.

Eventually he handed the joint to me. I hesitated and he smiled. "Aww, come on, Lambert,” he teased. "Don’t you remember Amsterdam?"

I did, every moment.

Laughing, I took the joint. "Barely."

Tommy looked into my eyes then, suddenly serious. Unnerved, I took another hit, letting the smoke fill my lungs until I was forced to exhale and cough.

"Wuss," he huffed a little laugh and took back the joint.

We sat in silence a moment, the night birds singing, the scent of dirt and pot and the sickeningly sweet flowers my mother had planted.

"I remember Amsterdam," he whispered finally and my heart skipped a beat. I suddenly couldn't breathe. I was afraid to look at him, afraid my every wanton, dirty desire would be written there for him to read. But I should have known that Tommy didn't need to see my face to know how I felt.

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Tommy’s POV**

Sighing up at the ceiling I roll over to look at the mocking, puke-green glowing numbers of the hotel alarm clock - three in the morning and not a wink of sleep. My mind is churning with memories, replaying all of our greatest hits.

Amsterdam - the feel of his lips and the way he tasted like whiskey and peppermint gum. I couldn’t sleep that night - high on more than just the weed. He was like a drug in my veins. And I couldn’t stop myself. I was one step away from the door, when someone knocked softly, like they were afraid to wake me.

“I wasn’t sure you’d be awake,” Adam said when I opened the door, pushing a stray lock of hair from his face. He had changed and washed the stage make-up from his face. I could see his freckles but a faint trace of glitter remained on his cheek.

“Yeah... I,” I stammered, all my balls and bravado gone.

“I was just checking to see if you were… you know... okay.” Adam smiled and I smiled back. He seemed awkward and unusually shy.

“Yeah, man, just headed to bed. Long day," I managed, a voice in my head screaming to ask him to stay, to share my bed and finish what he’d started on stage.

“Oh, yeah. It has been... very long,” he said, looking down at his feet and then back at me. “I’ll let you get to bed then.”

He smiled and waved awkwardly and suddenly the door was closed and I was staring at it, willing it to open again. Maybe I imagined the whole thing. Adam was with Sauli and I actually liked the guy. Adam was just being kind and I had to realize that what was between us on stage was all an act for Adam. He was an entertainer... and the fans lapped it up like milk.

Later, in Adam's garden - smoking weed and reminiscing, Amsterdam was an invocation, a summoning of desire with smoke and whiskey. I handed Adam the joint as I stood to go inside. It was getting late and I still needed to call a cab. Adam’s hand was warm on mine as he took the joint and slowly brought it to his lips. I watched him take a drag. He was so... beautiful.

I touched him without thinking, my hand on his cheek. He looked up then, eyes heavy lidded with lust and... something. He licked his lips and looked into my eyes with a silent question. I nodded, a little shake of my head. It was all the permission he needed.

Adam pulled me into his lap and I went willingly, a little moan of desire escaping my lips as we kissed. I felt his hands push up under my shirt, his fingers digging into my back, then down to cup my ass. He pulled me down hard against him. I moved my hips with desperate, needy little thrusts. I’d wanted that for so long. And I could feel him, hard cock against mine as I rocked against him. He moaned and grabbed my hair, pulling my head back.

“Don’t make me stop.” His voice was ragged and his eyes were wild.

I shook my head and kissed him, sucking his lower lip. “No,” I murmured into his mouth, my tongue teasing his. “I don’t want you to stop.” His breath caught as I sucked his tongue and he pushed up with his hips, rubbing against me. “I don’t ever want you to stop.”

I rocked my hips again, moaning when he pressed me tighter, lips on my neck, sucking little love bites and laving the hurt with his tongue.

“Tommy,” he hissed and nipped at my ear. “Fuck. I can feel you.” 

“Please,” I growled and was on my back in the grass before I knew what hit me.

Adam was between my knees, looking down at me as I lay there in the grass, propped up on my elbows. He licked his lips and I shivered as he touched my thigh, deft fingers slow and teasing as they reached higher. When he finally touched me, I groaned, the palm of his hand hot as his rubbed my cock through my jeans. 

“So hard,” he whispered, gaze never leaving mine as he flicked open my jeans with a practiced hand and then lowered the zipper. I wiggled out of them, laughing with Adam as they caught on my boots. He grabbed them, freed me and tossed the rest of my clothes aside. He looked down at me then, smile melting into something primal, making me catch my breath.

I reached for him, meeting him halfway with gentle kisses and the sting of teeth. He groaned when I dug my fingers into his back, fisting his t-shirt and pulling it over his head. I refused to be the only naked one at that party. Adam laughed and I couldn't help but smile up at the stars as he filled me, poured himself inside my soul. Everything changed in that moment. I knew as we lay tangled together afterwards, his hands in my hair, listening to the night birds, that I'd never be able to let him go. Adam was sleeping, breathing deeply. My head was on his chest and I could hear the slow, reassuring beat of his heart. And then the unexpected interruption of Adam’s ringtone for Sauli came from the pile of clothes beside us, a grim reminder that things were far from perfect. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 

**Adam’s POV**

When Tommy pulled away from me, the chill of the night woke me. I watched him dress, confused.

“Where are you going?” I asked, reaching for my t-shirt.

He turned to look at me and all the warmth and love I’d seen in his eyes was gone. He was closed off, guarded. But he smiled. “Hey, sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. I just thought I should get going,” he said, turning away to pull up his jeans.

“You’re leaving?”

He laughed and shrugged. “Of course,” he said, nonchalantly. “We were so wasted, man. I like Sauli. The last thing I want to do is make this into a thing. We were high, probably a little drunk, needed to let off a little steam. No biggie.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I played along and watched him go, beating myself over the head for assuming that Tommy felt the same way. As soon as he was gone I called Sauli and made lunch plans for the next afternoon, resolved to put the night with Tommy out of my mind.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But I assure you it’s not. It’s paved with denial. And I was ass deep in complete denial. I swore to myself I would let it go. That I’d take Tommy at his word and focus on my relationship with Sauli. But I couldn’t walk away.

It happened again a week later. Leaning back against the shower stall after a show, I watched in awe as he swallowed my cock, kneeling in the shower, wet hair slicked back. He looked up me with those eyes. Those eyes told me everything I wanted to hear, everything he wasn’t saying. I groaned, watching his pink tongue flick at the underside and around the head. His hand was around the base of my shaft and then down between my legs to cup my balls.

I could see him fisting his own cock as he sucked mine. I could feel him groan around me. I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t wait. The burn of ecstasy began in my balls and spread through my body, until I was chanting his name, coming down his throat and throwing my head back in abandon. When I opened my eyes I caught a glimpse of the warmth in his eyes, before he turned away to clean off. And just as quickly as it had started, it was over. 

We didn’t talk about it that time. Or the next time. Or the one after that. In my bed, in the pool, in the car outside his house and in an alley outside a club where we were performing, I couldn’t get enough of him. He would look at me, touch me in just the right way. And he never turned me away. Afterward, I always hoped to find him smiling, eyes open and lit up with love. But afterwards it was always the same. 

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Adam’s POV**

I feel like a fool standing outside Tommy’s door at four in the morning. He has to be asleep by now. I begin to knock and instead place my palm on the wood, staring at the brass plate under the peephole. I can’t do this. I’ve given him so many opportunities, I’ve said in so many ways how I feel.

Have you?

I frown and drop my hand in frustration. Have I? I don’t know. I’ve given myself to him a million different ways. But have I ever said the words? I stare at the door, suddenly so unsure of myself. When it opens, I have to blink a moment to see whether I was imagining things. Tommy’s in the doorway, a sheet around his waist, hair tousled and eyes smudged with liner. The room behind him is dark but the light from the hall washes over him, highlighting the black and red of tattoo and cream of skin.

“I called him.”

“You always do.” His lips quirk and I nod. I deserve that

“I told him... about us.”

“And?”

“He already knew,” I say, searching Tommy’s eyes. “He said it was about time I was honest with myself and that I should be honest with you.”

He stands there expectantly and I take a breath. ““I don’t wanna stop,” I say, my voice not more than a whisper.

“Then don’t.” Tommy’s voice is ragged... relieved? “What DO you want, Adam?” he asks.

“You. Fuck, Tommy, it’s always been you. I want to wake up in the morning and find you right there beside me. And I never, ever want to stop.”

Tommy smiles and it’s like a weight is lifting from my heart. He steps back and drops the sheet, naked for me, inviting me in. I can’t help but hold my breath, he’s so fucking beautiful. And he’s so fucking mine.

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Tommy’s POV**

Adam slams the door and presses me against it. His lips are at my neck and I moan when he grasps my ass and lifts me, wrapping my legs around his waist.

“I love you,” he whispers into my neck and then leans back, grasping my face in his hands to make me look at him. “I have always loved you.” Adam’s eyes are so intense.

I smile and nip at his chin. “I know,” I say. “I’ve always known. And I’ve always loved you too.”

He looks into my eyes, seemingly searching. When he smiles I smile back, knowing he’s found what he’s looking for. And suddenly his lips are on mine, gentle at first and then pushing, nipping. He flicks his tongue across my lips and I surrender, opening for him, moaning when he presses the hard length of his cock against mine. Somewhere along the line he lost his pajama pants and is just as naked as me.

“Bed,” he says with a growl.

He carries me over and I laugh, bouncing as he throws me onto the bed. When he crawls over me, I wrap myself around him, loving the solid warmth of his body and the way he way his lips drag over my neck. He nibbles and sucks his way down my body, coming to rest between my thighs. He blows warm puffs of air across my belly and laughs when I roll my hips, urging him to take my cock in his mouth.

“So greedy,” he murmurs against my thigh. And suddenly I can’t respond, I can’t think, the only thing that exists is his mouth around me. I thrust my hips, groaning when he swallows me deeper. He spreads my legs wider and I can feel a slick finger at my hole, slowly circling, pressing, easing me open. I bear down as his fingers slip inside me and I ride them, angling my hips so they hit the sweet spot inside.

Adam loves to tease. He loves to take me to the edge of ecstasy again and again until I’m begging to come. I can feel the warmth spreading up my spine just as he slows down, trading the driving rhythm for lighter, sweeter strokes and little laps of his tongue. But tonight I just need him. I need him deep inside me.

I take a moment to catch my breath and look down at him. He’s watching me, blue eyes so intense. “Come here,” I say with a ragged edge to my voice.

With a final lick up the length of my shaft, he obliges, gently, pulling his fingers free. Adam kisses my nose, my chin and my lips, sweet little nibbles that make my stomach clench, before he takes my mouth, hard and demanding. I open for him, sucking his tongue, gripping his shoulders.

I roll until I’m on top of him, straddling his hips. I smirk down at him and place my palm on his chest, keeping him from kissing me. I reach into the bedside table and grab a condom and little packet of lube. He moves to take them from me but I shake my head.

“Nope, you just watch,” I say. I wiggle back and take his cock in my hand, gently fisting him, feeling the rigid, velvety softness of his shaft. I watch his face, the way he bites his lip and tosses his head back when my thumb presses and circles at the base of his head. He watches through slitted eyes as I tilt my hips and rock forward, allowing my cock to brush his. I gasp and press harder, my own need coming down around me. I can’t wait any longer. I roll the condom down his shaft and liberally drizzle it with lube. Then I stroke him, spreading the lube up and down the length of him. 

He groans and holds himself firm as I raise up to seat the head of him at my entrance and slowly take him inside. Yeah, the rumors are true. Adam’s dick is huge and it takes me a minute. Adam strokes his hands down my back as I lean forward and rock my hips, fracturing his control.

Adam grasps my ass and thrusts up into me as I press down, taking all of him, whispering his name. He sits up then, meeting my lips as I set the pace. With one hand he drizzles lube on my cock and strokes me as we rock together. His thumb rubs up and down my dick, pressing so perfectly. I lean back a little and let him fuck me, grasping his thighs.

“God damn, you are so gorgeous,” he rasps, rocking his hips harder, grunting with each thrust.

I look down to watch him stroke my cock and gasp as he squeezes and twists, delicious heat spreading up my spine. He pulls me closer, other hand on my throat, pressing just this side of too hard. I can’t breathe. I can only feel and suddenly the heat building inside bursts like a rocket, spreading up my body. He lets go then and I gasp as I come, bright, blinking lights behind my eyes. Adam grasps me around the waist and thrusts once more, shaking and calling my name like a prayer against my neck.

We collapse together, still joined. I can feel his pounding heart against my cheek and his hand in my hair. I kiss the damp skin of his chest and close my eyes.

“Love you,” I murmur, drifting and content.

He strokes my hair and huffs a laugh. “Love you too,” is the last thing I heard before falling blissfully asleep.

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Adam’s POV**

The rich scent of coffee and bacon manages to break through the thick fog of sleep surrounding me. I yawn and open my eyes, smiling when the first thing I see is Tommy, naked, with a plate of food, sipping coffee with buds in his ears. He’s nodding along to what I’m assuming is a song as he pops a piece of bacon between his lips.

He notices that I’m awake as I reach out to steal a piece of bacon from his plate. Laughing, he smacks my fingers. “Food’s over there, dude. No touchie.” He grins and leans down to kiss me. I can taste his toothpaste and coffee. He looks freshly showered too.

“I ordered the special gourmet coffee you like,” he says. “It’s pretty good.”

My stomach growls and he laughs, putting his phone aside. I load up a plate and crawl back in bed with him. We spend the morning finishing off the breakfast feast he ordered and working it all off in the shower. And the afternoon and evening is spent in my bed after we grab a change of clothes for me.

“When’s sound check?” he murmurs into my chest as we lay in the waning sunshine, coming through the balcony window.

“An hour,” I say, running my hand through his hair. He just dyed it blond again, no trace of the dark roots he sometimes sported. I rub the soft, shaved bit under the long fringe and feel him sigh. He stretches his body and then curls up against me like the pretty kitty the fans call him. I chuckle and turn toward him.

“Think they’d cancel the show if we told them we were too busy fucking?” I ask.

“The fans would totally approve,” he says with a laugh. I kiss his temple and sigh contentedly, breathing him in. “I think they’d rather see it first hand,” I say softly.

He opens one eye and looks into mine, before smiling and nodding and closing it again. “I think you’re right. I think the fans deserve to get exactly what they came to see.”


End file.
